


Pressure

by orphan_account



Series: Firefly Skies [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Bulk of this is panic attack, Demisexual!Iwaizumi Hajime, Grey Ace!Oikawa Tooru, Honestly these two fuckers need to get their shit together, M/M, Panic Attacks, Presumed Unrequited Love, Right out the gate its there, This is a drabble for a longer series im making, Trans Male Character, Trans!Oikawa Tooru, Warning: explicit detail in panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 22:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10397241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Oikawa needed to go, but he didn't know where he could run to.He needed to go, but the place he wanted to be was the place he wanted to run from.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A short drabble from a series I'm working on

It's quiet, but it's not. It really was quiet though, just the fan a constant drone and the sound of Iwaizumi typing beside him. It was just that, those sounds were deafening to Oikawa. He couldn't sit still enough, either, the pressure and movement under his skin only amplified by every rough breath he took. The more he fidgeted, tried to get comfortable, the more difficult it all was.

He didn't know what was wrong with him. He did, he just didn't want to think about it. Iwaizumi was a foot from him, silent as his eyes scanned his screen, and all Oikawa could think about was how Iwaizumi's hair was getting longer and how perfect the spot behind his ear was for kissing.

Actually, he was fine. He really was. Not a sigular problem in the world. Exceptional, even. He just needed to go for a walk, to get up and leave the apartment for a bit. Definitely. It'd be easier to do if he weren't so tense. 

He just needed to get out of the apartment. Sitting still like this was driving him up a wall.

"That's it, Iwa-chan! I'm going for a walk!" Oikawa hauled himself out of his computer chair, tugging on a hoodie as he went.

"Idiot, it's snowing outside. You can't go for a walk now." Iwaizumi paused before continuing, because Oikawa was already out of the room. Listening though, he didn't hear the door open, every now and then he heard the floor creak. 

Oikawa got to the front door and turned from it, walked to the kitchen, turned back to the computer room, repeated his path. He was pacing, his steps hurried and turns sharp as he marked his path. If he counted his steps rhythm, it was uneven, and quickening. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides, or would lift and tighten in his hair. Everything, everything, he couldn't. He didn't know what to do but he had to do something. He couldn't keep thinking about how close he wanted to be, how distant Iwaizumi was. It wasn't fair, it shouldn't be like this.

He didn't understand what was going on, or why his heart was racing, why each breath was shorter than the last. He wanted to go outside, to open the door and escape for a minute. And yet that felt like a bad idea. He felt trapped, with each step, with each shaking breath. He had no idea what he wanted to escape from.

Except he did. That silence in the other room, that space between him and Iwaizumi. The way that, each time he looked at his childhood friend, he felt the words trying to shove themselves off his tongue. How everytime he looked at Iwa-chan he felt in every vein and inch of him  _I love him._

He wanted to call to Iwaizumi for help, but his voice was just as trapped as he was. Caught in his throat, the worrying track telling him he would be bothering Iwaizumi. He'd be annoying him. He needed to leave Iwaizumi alone. 

Because every time he looked at Iwaizumi, Iwaizumi was looking at something else.

The thought itself hurt more than the panic under his skin. He turned sharper, wheeling to the next path, his body tighter than a bow. And really, when was the last time he was calm? He knew, really. That summer, before he first thought those damn words. Before he visited Iwaizumi's home in the country. Before Iwaizumi showed him how to ride a horse, before they climbed up the cliff and Oikawa jumped off into the water to show he was brave even though Iwaizumi refused. Before he felt the jealousy of watching Iwaizumi kiss his girlfriend.

Before he realized he loved his best friend.

"Oikawa." Iwaizumi stood in the doorway to the computer room, and Oikawa had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts he startled badly. He tried to cover it up, laughing at himself. Iwaizumi didn't smile, his frown etched so solidly his brow was furrowed.

And despite how badly Oikawa had wanted to call for him, he couldn't meet Iwaizumi's eyes. His own slanting off to the side, down to the floor. He tried to stop his pacing, smile even, and only succeeded for a moment.

"Iwa-c, Iwaizumi, I thought you were studying?" He'd started pacing again, aware now of how hurried he had been.

"Are you ok?" The question chilled Oikawa, and his tempo faltered. Iwaizumi wouldn't look away from Oikawa's eyes, even though Oikawa avoided the contact. There wasnt the slightest hint of the playful jab Oikawa was expecting, and he couldn't tell if that was better or worse. 

"I'm fine, Iwa-chan. Just needed to stretch a bit, you know?" Oikawa shut his eyes and smiled, teeth white and shiny as he beamed. His heart was still pounding, his hands shaking now, his breath uneven. He felt like his blood was boiling, and he knew he could never look Iwaizumi in the eye when he lied. The thought nearly broke him, and he felt his smile waver, his eyes casting towards the door. "I really should go for a walk.."  _just to get out of here, just so I can breathe without thinking about you._

Iwaizumi was frowning harder, his arms crossed. He hadn't moved from the doorway, and Oikawa wondered how long he'd stood there and watched him pace. The thought was uncomfortable, to say the least. 

"I'm fine, Iwa-chan, really." And Oikawa's voice pitched quietly, his shoulders dropping. He wasn't sure who he was lying to more at this point. When he looked up again, Iwaizumi was walking towards him slowly, the way he did when he was trying not to startle one of the horses.

Oikawa tried not to flinch when Iwaizumi pressed a hand to his shoulder, he failed, but he tried. Iwaizumi didn't let him go.

"..Tooru, let me make you some tea, ok? Just go curl up in bed, and I'll make you some of that lavender tea you like, and you can take a nap, ok?" 

"I don't know what's wrong." Oikawa didn't want to admit he was crying at this point, and Iwaizumi didn't mention it as he wiped the tears away. Oikawa's shoulders were shaking heavily, and when Iwaizumi hugged him he sunk into it. 

"That's ok, just don't go running off." His voice was gentle, and Oikawa felt his heart thrum. That tone of voice was a rare one to hear, and that cord struck hard. _I love him, I love him,_ his next breath was a sob, and his hand found Iwaizumi'a shirt. "It's ok, you're alright." If Iwaizumi's voice shook in the slightest, it was lost to Oikawa, and Iwaizumi covered his own shaking hands by rubbing Oikawa's back. 

 

By the time Iwaizumi had made the tea, Oikawa was half asleep. Instead of waking him Iwaizumi set the mug in the microwave, and crawled in with Oikawa. He couldn't help but laugh a bit as Oikawa automatically burrowed against him.

He'd be lying if the little sigh and the way all the tension Oikawa had in him melted away at that exact point didn't make his heart pang painfully. 

It's a good thing he was a better liar than Oikawa. 

**Author's Note:**

> Trying to get the vibes flowing for this so I have the inspiration to start on the main part of the series ahhhhh


End file.
